Unintended Consequences

I was going through my home office with the intention of de-cluttering.  I attack one stack of stuff at a time and shred it or I scan it and file it away in my computer before I shred.  This means I stop along the way to read what it is I am about to banish to the circular file.  I came across this tid-bit below and it caused me to dwell deeper into the subject of unintended consequences. 

“We have always had to deal with difficult issues with David.  His life has always been in peril.  We have seen him endure unbelievable pain.  We have been great advocates for David and gotten him the best treatment possible.  We have made sure he is loved and well cared for and as pain free as possible.  We have outfitted him with a hospital bed that will keep him safe, comfortable, and healthy.  We have provided for his entertainment, TV, DVD, Laptop, iPad.  All accessed from his bed.  We have made sure we could stay in touch by cell phone so he could contact us when he needed something or if we needed to escalate his issues, i.e. pain, food, drink, etc.  We have upgraded his phone so he can now even get Facebook in the palm of his hand while he is in bed.

Why do we find it so hard to get him out of bed and into his power wheelchair so he can have his own independence and do some things for himself?  ?  Any ideas?”

My son David is at this writing is 25 years and 6 months old.  Twenty-five years ago, David had half of his brain removed in order to stop uncontrolled seizures.  He was born blind, with a malformed brain and seizures every 10 seconds or so.  David was 6 months old when he had the surgery and the promise was he would be able to live a normal life.  In retrospect that is true.  If he did not have the surgery, he would have been dead in a year. 

David is developmentally delayed, and does have physical handicaps but he is not blind and for a time he did walk on his own.  He is very social and loves to call people on the phone and check out Facebook.  Over the years, David had many setbacks.  As parents, it broke our heart to see him in pain and struggling.  We felt it very unfair that he should have to suffer the things he has.  We made it a point to make David’s life easier so he could live life to the full.  That was our intention but that was not our reality. 

What happened in reality is we stunted David’s ability to be independent.  We did too many things for him and we did not say no often enough.  David did not want to have to do things on his own because they seemed difficult.  They were and sometimes are difficult but that is how you grow and become strong.  If he never has to do anything, he will not.  The same goes for all of us.  We all take the path of least resistance.  That fact is probably at the core of all our woes. 

Now we challenge David more and do not give in as we used to.  He does not like it, some may think we are cruel (not those who know us), it is difficult to stand our ground but in the end worth it.

I see the same thing happening to David’s generation.  I watch demonstrations by people David’s age and they are demanding safe spaces, free education, free health care, food stamps, cell phones and freedom from unkind words and on and on and on….  We are witnessing a generation that is looking for cradle to grave care and they have now become stunted in their growth. 

The United States of America is the most successful and prosperous nation in history.  We got there by doing hard things until we mastered it.  We faced challenges with the attitude of finding a solution not finding a benefactor.  We became great because we put our mind to it and did what was necessary in spite of the difficulty, pain, and struggle.  There is a generation growing up that my generation spawned and I believe we are now seeing unintended consequences in front of our very eyes and it does not look pretty. 

My wife and I were much tougher on our other two children, April and Sean.  They are both doing well on their own.  I told them they could not stay on my health insurance and they did not.  That refusal on our part motivated them to get jobs where health insurance was included.  This while they only had a high school education.  They both enrolled in school after high school and they are both funding their education while working.  Is it hard?  Yes.  Did they, do they like it?  Probably not, but I know they will both realize later it was the best thing that every happened to them.  They can stand on their own and do not need my wife or me in order to survive.  Sean was not the least bit up

set when I threw out all his participation trophies.  He said they didn't mean anything to him because he never earned anything.  He just showed up.  Some would have you believe that is all you need to do.

It is said, "Nobody likes change except a wet baby."  That is true.  While we as a nation are going through some changes many will not like it.  I know, we went through changes 8 years ago and I didn’t like it.  The difference is I did not act and look like a wet baby.